Sunday, January 6, 2013
Saturday, January 5, 2013
Tengo que admitir que hasta hace algunas semanas aunque ya confiaba mucho en ella, tenía miedo, bastante, porque la última persona que dijo ser mi amiga, me dejó de hablar de un día para otro y, pues, me da mucho miedo que puedan volver a hacerme lo mismo, porque es algo que me dolió mucho pero ya decidí no tener miedo. Confío plenamente en Katy, me ha demostrado que ella es una mujer que vale la pena, así en serio, así que no voy a ponerle límites a nuestra amistad, yo la amo y mucho.
Siempre le digo que me gustaría hacer algo por ella, algo así súper especial y ella siempre se ríe pero es cierto, de verdad quisiera hacer algo por ella simplemente porque ella ha hecho tanto por mí, y no creo que ni se haya dado cuenta de lo mucho que me ayuda y me hace bien su amistad, solo espero poder devolverle el favor. Tengo la amistad que siempre quise y no tengo nadie mas a quien agradecérselo que a Dios, porque Él pudo haber usado a cualquier persona para obrar en mi vida, y me alegra que la haya escogido a ella, realmente me alegra. Te amito Katy :*
Thursday, January 3, 2013
"I promise I will-" I started, but she didn't let me finish.
"Don't promise," she said, "don't promise because I'll be stupid enough to believe you and wait around for you to come and fullfill what you said you'd do and then I'll be heartbroken and you'll go and I'll die. I'll die because my heart'll be drained of all the love it has because it's all for you. It has always been all for you." There were tears in her eyes and I couldn't help but hurt for her, because she loved me. She really did.
"Don't love me." I whispered.
"It's too late for that," she said. "It's too damn late."
"No, why? I.. I'm not... lovable. I don't... work right, you deserve someone better." She looked at me, a sadness in her eyes.
"I want someone that completes me."
"Well, there you go, go find that," I said, trying to maintain the tears inside my eyes. She placed her hand on my face and gently stroked it, I could feel the warmth all over my body.
"The thing is, I already have, it's you.You and only you."
And in that moment, I swear I wanted nothing more but to hold her in my arms and kiss her until we melted into each other but I lacked courage and she was crying so I did what I do best, I folded my feelings inside myself and swallowed my tears before grabbing my bag.
An apology that would never cover up for the years and the pain and the disappointment. I tried to hide from her eyes but they always find me and I saw the one thing I was afraid to see: Hopelessness.
"Are you really leaving?" She asked.
I didn't want to answer, because I didn't want to go, I really didn't, but why stay? I looked at her, a plea in my eyes, another apology.
"You promised you'd never leave me." She whispered angrily, desperate to find a way to make me stay and love her the way I had once promised I would.
"It seems to me like it wouldn't be the first promise I didn't keep..." I regreted saying it as soon as it came out but that's the thing with me, my mouth never cooperates.
"So leave. Just go," she snapped at me.
I looked at her one last time but she was looking away. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, I wanted to take her scent with me, to blend it with my heart the way our spirits had when we were okay. I tightened my hold on the bag, turned around and started for the door. As I opened it I stopped for a second.
"I love you," I said, more to myself than to her. I waited a second to see if she said anything back but she didn't, so I closed the door and left.
I started crying the second I closed the door. I was leaving the love of my life behind. I knew I'd never find another one like her, ever. She was the girl you read about in all those books, the perfect one that only asks to be loved and nothing more, but I couldn't even give her that, because I'm broken, I was broken before I met her and I thought maybe I could fix myself up for her but I couldn't, I'm beyond repair. I just hope she knows I love her, because I do, oh I do. She's my moon.
And, as if it was a conspiracy, it started raining and I could feel my heart getting heavier and heavier with every step I took, but then I heard something that made my heart feel alive again, if only for a second. I turned around and sure enough, there she was, running at full tilt toward me. Instinct took over and I opened my arms for her and she collapsed into them, finding safety in habits. She was crying and she put her arms around me. Leaving her was getting harder and harder...
She hugged me tighter than she ever had before and whispered, "let my love do for you what yours did for me, please. Stay with me, forever." She pulled herself away from me just enough so she could see my eyes. We were both crying. My heart was a drum inside of me and fear was trying to choke me but I let go I let go and let her love take over. I leaned in and kissed her with the passion of a lover who thought everything was lost. She was mine, mine to love. Forever.
Thursday, December 20, 2012
Thursday, September 6, 2012
Abro los ojos y miro el reloj, 4:36 am. Bueno, al menos pude descansar unas horas. No tiene caso intentar dormir, sé que no lograré conciliar el sueño. Mi mente es como un disco rayado, repitiendo una y otra vez el mismo verso de la misma canción. Sé que una vez que empieza, no hay manera de hacer que se detenga, en cuanto cierre los ojos, la pesadilla regresará. La misma pesadilla de siempre. Puedo verla mirándome, una expresión de dolor plasmada en su rostro, y yo puedo sentir como se encoge mi corazón. Mi mente entra en estado de alerta, sé que debo arreglarlo, disculparme, decirle que nada de lo que dije era verdad, pero no hay tiempo, antes de que pueda articular una sola palabra escucho el claxón del trailer justo antes de impactarse contra nosotros.
Los primeros siete meses luego del accidente me despertaba gritando y llamándola. Ahora solo me despierto empapado en sudor, sintiendo un escalofrío recorrerme el cuerpo. La pesadilla no es el sueño en sí, es el despertar sabiendo que es verdad. Probablemente suene tonto pero una parte de mi piensa que quizás si un día lograra decir algo en el sueño antes del impacto, si al menos pudiera tomar su mano para que ella supiera que nada era verdad, entonces tal vez ella despertaría.